Continuing the Uncertainty

I remember all the uncertainty I had about relocation and whether it was the right thing to do. I thought we made the decision and then all else would follow on. Ah, how naive I was.

The uncertainty continues. Every step of the way. Almost, if not every day. I still wonder if we did the right thing. I still feel very much like I don't belong. I have prayed for God to tell me what His plan is. Surely He has a reason for why I am here. I am still trying to find out what it is. I hope I've not been so blind as to miss His plan! Is it to make me appreciate even more what I had before? Because I've always appreciated what I had before. Really.

Each time I go back, I realise how good it was and how I could have continued with it. And how nothing now compares to it. In everything. Sure, there are good and bad as with everything but the good for me there was really good and the bad for me was very tolerable. Not so here. I try not to live my life comparing my life before with my life now. Surely it will be different but it's quite difficult when it's different in the wrong direction! I guess the only consolation is that I now know that if it had been my decision, it would have been the right one. And others are beginning to realise that too. Shame it was not realised before as it would have saved a lot of this!

With the uncertainty now comes people telling me not to do certain things because it is certain the decision will change. All very well and I have to keep biting my tongue to say "I told you so". But I can't live my life to continue being unsettled and not doing certain things just because the decision will change. That means that I can't live each moment to its fullest. Because what's the point? It will change anyways. In which case, why not give it all up now? To which many will tell me I can't either. One just can't win. It's so annoying when people interfere. Ugh.