Everyone

 So 'everyone' was asked but when I said I hadn't been asked, it appears I'm not 'everyone'. Should it hurt that 'everyone' doesn't even include me? 

Special Days

Perhaps it's part of adulting. I dread my birthdays and Mother's Days nowadays. To celebrate how I really want to be appreciated, all I would like is to be left alone, for Hubby to joyfully take kids out for special day and really enjoy spending time with them, and for all chores to be taken care of. 

Kids want to make it special for me. And I love that they want to show it in their way. Which means baking me a cake or cooking for me. But there's all the mess after that. They do try to clean up and they get better. But they often miss. And instead of shouting at them, I try to encourage their good intentions and gently remind them to clean up what they've missed. If it was someone else's special day, I would be working with them to help them bake or cook, and help to clean up so it's not left for the special person to do. But no one else takes this from me on my supposed special days, so ho hum I'll do it and it's difficult on days people wish me to have an amazing day etc.

I try to look at it as opportunities I get to spend time with the kids. Look at their good intentions. But I'm tired. I'm tired of organising things for everyone all the time. I'm tired of being the peacemaker. I'm tired of trying to preempt possible tension. I'm tired of being expected to deal with everyone's complaints. I'm tired of the kids being blamed. I'm tired of high expectations on the kids when the same expectations are not made of adults. I'm tired of having to make sure everyone else is ok. I'm tired of making sure others have presents of the right amount / are happy / feel well taken care of. I'm tired. 

I sometimes go down the 'unfair' route. Why it's unfair that I have to deal with this. And that can be a rabbit hole of no return. It's been better. I don't go down this rabbit hole as much anymore. And I remember to stop myself before it goes too far. But it still happens. I try to remember that I am to be Christ-like and these are just small matters. The important thing is to model Christ and pray that this reflect His goodness to others. 

So in Him, I continue to trust. In Him, I continue to complain to, knowing He will listen and He understands and He will lovingly rebuke me when it's right. 

While wishes come in for me to have a fab / great / amazing day (which I say to others too), I just smile and say thank you.