Sounds Easy

I'm wondering what to do. Wondering what I can do. It sounds so easy. Understand what you are good at, what you are bad at, what you are passionate about and make it your job. Hmm....

I wish I knew. People have told me what I'm good at. Even more have told me what I'm bad at. :) Not really sure what I'm passionate about. I'm more of a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none. Can I make a living out of that? I really don't know.

I've toyed with the idea of this years ago but I was very happy in what I was doing and could see all the things I was learning. There was no point getting out of it. I'm now thinking about this idea a lot more seriously. Like several times a day sometimes, which can be very negative and obsessive! What I need to figure out is what I should do instead. I know what I want and what I don't want. I just need to find out what I can do to make it all happen and the right time for all this to happen.

Sounds easy but it's not! It's been stumping me for ages!

Continuing the Uncertainty

I remember all the uncertainty I had about relocation and whether it was the right thing to do. I thought we made the decision and then all else would follow on. Ah, how naive I was.

The uncertainty continues. Every step of the way. Almost, if not every day. I still wonder if we did the right thing. I still feel very much like I don't belong. I have prayed for God to tell me what His plan is. Surely He has a reason for why I am here. I am still trying to find out what it is. I hope I've not been so blind as to miss His plan! Is it to make me appreciate even more what I had before? Because I've always appreciated what I had before. Really.

Each time I go back, I realise how good it was and how I could have continued with it. And how nothing now compares to it. In everything. Sure, there are good and bad as with everything but the good for me there was really good and the bad for me was very tolerable. Not so here. I try not to live my life comparing my life before with my life now. Surely it will be different but it's quite difficult when it's different in the wrong direction! I guess the only consolation is that I now know that if it had been my decision, it would have been the right one. And others are beginning to realise that too. Shame it was not realised before as it would have saved a lot of this!

With the uncertainty now comes people telling me not to do certain things because it is certain the decision will change. All very well and I have to keep biting my tongue to say "I told you so". But I can't live my life to continue being unsettled and not doing certain things just because the decision will change. That means that I can't live each moment to its fullest. Because what's the point? It will change anyways. In which case, why not give it all up now? To which many will tell me I can't either. One just can't win. It's so annoying when people interfere. Ugh.

It seems silly

I don't know why I feel like this. It's not like I am starving, in poverty, in any sort of huge problem. Yet, I feel sad and void. I really should feel blessed. I have so much. I have people who love me. I have people who look out for me. I keep telling myself that but it does not work.

It seems silly thinking back about little problems. Things that may not even have happened. It is silly to worry about stupid things.

Lord, I commit these stupid little worries to You. Please give me the wisdom to realise how stupid it all is and how stupid I would be to let it affect me.