Gweilo

Martin Booth narrated an excellent story of his upbringing in Hong Kong through Gweilo. Through reliving his adventures, reflections and thoughts, I thought the best message that came out was that the word 'home' means different things to different people.

Home is not necessarily where you are born. Home is where you choose to die. It may be where you grew up; or it may be where you choose to raise your own family. Perhaps it's where your family and friends are. Perhaps it's where you meet new family and friends. May be in the same state; or totally different ends of the earth. It could be where you grew up speaking the language. Or it can be where you are so captivated that you give up hours to learn how to speak the language the way the 'locals' do - so you can be one of them in time. It could be where you grew up with the local customs and know what every bow, wink, smile, smirk actually means. Or it could be where you still seek to understand the meaning of subtle differences in body language because you want to know and learn. A place where others look just like you. Or a place where your physical attributes are one of a kind. It could be where you are living now; it could be where you have set your heart on moving to in the future.

Home is your state of mind. It's where you feel comfortable. Regardless of the physical outlook. It's where you never stop being fascinated by the traditions and culture. It's where you recognise the flaws of the place yet love it all the more for that. It's where you want to live your dreams, hopes and ambitions of both personal and professional front.

It's where you know you belong....

It can only get better

You hit a peak. Feel energised, joyful, happy, blessed, content. Then something changes and it starts going downhill. Maybe not the sharp descent. But a slow spiral. Fast or slow, things are different. Doubts creep in. Many questions go round in your head, never voiced as surely, they are silly thoughts. Chastise yourself for thinking such things. Try to pick yourself up. But try as hard as you might, you can't shake the doubts away. And it goes round in a circle.

What caused it? It could be something small, something big. A collection of small things. One big item. It does not matter. You are where you are. When you hit a peak, the pessimist would say it can only go down. It's how you deal with it that makes you different. And hey, things can only look up from now, surely? Glass half full situation?

Cooking Weekend

It's been a while since I tried new recipes. And inspired by Becky's fish pie and Hosannah's cheesecake, I thought I'll try them out this weekend.

Fish pie turned out ok....

Will do the strawberry cheesecake differently next time. No more puree-ing the strawberries. May be healthy addition but it looks like hospital food (No offense meant to hospital kitchens, but you know what I mean...). Will stick to Delia's recipes in future. Try out chocolate cheesecake next....

When It's Not Mutual....

Do you feel that sometimes things and feelings are not mutual? When you look forward to something a lot more than the other person is? When you have different expectations? Different priorities lead to disappointment of one? When your intentions are not returned the same way?

The hurt and disappointment if you had expected something more. Joy when you receive more than expected. Guilt when you realise that you could have done more.

If only one can turn back the clock. Realise the disappointment that is around the corner. Realise the good things/deeds right under one's nose and take time to appreciate them. To show appreciation. To suggest changes. Wished some words were never uttered. Wished certain thoughts were spoken. Hindsight is always 20/20. Live and learn.

Doggie Love

Laughed and cried whilst reading Marley & Me by John Grogan. How beautifully John captured the tiny details of living with a rambunctious, playful yet lovable dog. Living with Marley came with many challenges but kudos to John and Jenny for loving Marley as he is. Just as he loved them for who they are.

If they wanted, John and Jenny had many reasons to rehome Marley. Chewing up anything and everything within sight, being expelled from obedience school, scratching the walls when there's thunder...the list goes on. But the Grogans stuck with him. Realised that he gave them so much more. Acknowledged the costs of the repairs but cheerfully accepted them as little compared to the companionship he gave them. I'm not sure many would have done the same.

It brought back many memories of dear Laddie and Fraulern, who were so much part of our family for almost a decade. I guess that was what brought the tears too as I felt with John and the Grogans when they had to bid farewell to Marley (this is not a spoiler for the book). Memories of them, joyous as they were, also reminds me that they are now no longer with us. They seemed to sense when I had exams and for that week, did not jump and bark when it was time for their afternoon walk. They wouldn't have let me off so easily all other times. Accusing barks at other times if I dared to be more than 2 hours late for their walk.

The love they so readily and completely gave. I am convinced that they could 'read' people. Laddie, for all his faithfulness and loyalty, was never as generous with his affection to those outside our family. Fraulern, on the other hand, would be friends with anyone. Yet there were occasions when she did not take to certain people although they tried lavishing her with food or attention. And her judgement was always proven right a few months later as the said person(s) betrayed our trust. Laddie, always camera shy; Fraulern, sensing a camera, would happily pose. Different personalities yet they loved each other so. Laddie would walk several paces in front, but turn back to make sure Fraulern is still nearby. Although he was scared of thunder, Laddie would go out searching for Fraulern if we hadn't brought her back after the walk. Fraulern, proud of her big brother, would seek his protection when she sees bigger dogs (not realising that Laddie has more sense than to square up to them!).

John Grogan showed that living with a dog is a two-way thing. I see many occasions when it was a one-way relationship; the dog always giving his/her all yet their master only playing with them when convenient (if at all). The Grogans really embraced the dog into their family life and I hope I will be able to do the same next time. John reflected how dogs love so well - limitless, forgiving, complete and without question. In one reflection, John surprised himself when he realised how Marley could be considered a mentor in how he lived life. I totally agree. Call me mad but I believe we can learn so much from dogs - not just in how they live their life but how they love people. I wish I can readily do the same.

Laddie and Fraulern, I miss you. It has been so many years yet I still smile when I think of your antics and there's still pain when I think that I can no longer give and share your affection and love. I'm sure you are happily wagging your tails in doggie heaven, where treats are plentiful (without the green veg ones you dislike and cleverly separate, Fraulern), vast fields to run in, rats to catch (Fraulern diligently made it her responsibility that our house be rat-free after seeing Laddie do it), golf balls to fetch (which Laddie taught himself whilst Daddy practised behind our house) and plenty of people to lavish you with attention.

What I Got Up to in Msia

A lot.... Not very much... Depends on how you look at it... I gave myself certain tasks to accomplish whilst I was in Msia - mainly to do with the wedding preps. But of the four, only one was completed - well, even that was not fully completed. Anyway, the other three had circumstances beyond my control - waiting for date from Royal College of Surgeons was the main one.... I can't exactly call them up to bug them, can I?

Nevertheless, think I did quite a lot anyway.... All photos will be uploaded soon.... Here are some for now....

So, what I did do....

Spending time with family.... Here's one from our trip to the Kadazan longhouse (more on Sabah trip in post below)

My two youngest nieces....Our furrier family member (probably the most spoilt too!)

Spending time with friends.... Joanna and Yen weren't here but I did manage to meet up with them! (Joanna, send photo over?)
Going to the KL Aquarium - the most patriotic aquarium I ever visited, as you can see...Visited several hotels to narrow down choices for the wedding dinner venue. Here's B at KL Hilton.... (Also visited lots of fabric shops, wedding designers, tailors for the dresses - thanks mom and Jo for being so patient and enthusiastic throughout!)

Land Below the Wind

Visit to a Kadazan longhouse.


Pose pose pose

5.30am view of Mount Kinabalu from Kundasang.







Tip of Borneo. We missed the sunset because we ran out of petrol (yes, believe it or not... this turned out to be a proper road trip!) but still enjoyed the views the next day.

Blast from the past?

Second oldest church...
A change from the concrete jungle of KL, London, Houston, Hong Kong, Tokyo...

White water rafting in Sabah

What Jolly does, Livea does too

Heads up....


Heads d0wn....

I actually drove this on the 'wrong' side of the road!

I asked for a compact car and this was what I got....

Williams Waterwall

A cool reprieve from the boiling temperatures at the Williams Waterwall, a 64-foot tall fountain in Houston Uptown. A supposed 11000 gallons of water flow every minute (on both sides of the wall).

When in Rome, do as the Romans do....

And when you're in US, that means eating big portions....! Arrived safely in Houston on Tuesday night and since then, I have not finished my dinner once! The portions here are gigantic. I haven't had much of an appetite anyway, think lack of sleep is catching up with me, which is rather unfortunate as the steaks here are yum yum yum!

Went to Fogo de Chao yesterday. All you can eat salad and steak. Can you imagine? As if the US 'normal' portions aren't big enough! At Fogo de Chao, we were given a card which had red on one side and green on the other. You help yourself to the salad bar in the middle and when you're ready for some steak, you put your card to green. Waiters walk around with different cuts of meat and they'll approach you to see if you'd like the cut of meat they're carrying around after which they would slice it onto your plate. If your card is on the red side, they leave you alone. Quite cool.

Ribs being cooked

Oh, and the margueritas here are delicious too! A reminder from Saltgrass....

Today, for the first time, I rented a car in a foreign country by myself AND to drive on the 'wrong' side of the road too! I was so nervous. The gentleman at the rental agency must have thought I'd never driven before, with the basic questions I asked him to make sure the car operated the same way as my car back in UK, just the driving would be on the other side of the road. Thank goodness it was an automatic car too. One less thing to worry about. I managed to drive safely from downtown to the Galleria and then back again. Although I did get slightly lost coming back and making my way from one end of downtown to the other. Got honked at twice. Not too bad going, I think. Don't want to speak too soon though - we'll see how the next few days go! Staying away from those margueritas from now on!

Beauty in unexpected places

There is a patch of land at the end of our garden where we dispose of cut grass. Whilst having dinner outside recently, I noticed that a rose had grown from that patch. We hadn't intentionally planted a rose plant there. It was supposed to be the place where we get rid of grass and weeds so that it'll turn to compose. We weren't expecting a lovely rose plant to grow!
Sounds cliched, but I thought it shows that beauty does arise in unexpected places even without the necessary nuturing care.

Which Mask to Wear?

We have multiple personalities. I don't mean that in a clinical psychological sense. We have different variants of personalities we express to different people. I guess how varied they are would be dependent on each person. There's the Work-Me, Home-Me, Friend-Me, Best-Friend-Me, Sister-Me, Daughter-Me, Fiancee-Me, Customer-Me, Weekend-Me, Babysitter-Me, etc. Not hugely different personalities but some aspects are amplified more than others depending on the Me I am. Some people would have seen me in a combination of the above. Less than a handful would have seen me in all.

It's a bit like choosing masks to wear. Whilst getting ready for work, we don a suit (or relevant attire), put on sensible work shoes and pick up notes/laptop. This happens on the outside. On the inside, we mentally prepare by slipping the invisible Work-Mask over. This is not meant in deceitful terms. (Although that does occur in some circumstances, such as faking degrees/qualifications in order to land a job, two-timing your partner, etc). Donning the Work-Mask may mean being more assertive, less outspoken, more structured, whatever suits the job really. Most of the time, we consciously and subconsciously choose which personality to show others. We carefully choose the words to say, things to reveal and outfits to wear.

Which is our true self? Underneath it all, I believe our core is same throughout. It holds our core personality and values. However, as we grow up, we grow shells to suppress or emphasise certain values. As a child, you may have been one who actively spoke your mind. If you grew up in a culture where this was seen as rude and 'children should be seen but not heard', it is likely that you now have a shell that suppresses your opinionated self which you will only reveal to closest family and friends.

Is it right to have several masks? I think so. People need different outlets. I know a PA who is very organised, structured and well-prepared. When it comes to planning her own holiday, her husband does all the organising. Why doesn't she apply her strengths from her day job to her personal life? Well, she needs a break from all that organising. At the core of it, I believe she is still just as organised in her home life and if her husband wasn't good at organising it, she would likely take over and make sure it is done well. But she trusts and knows that her husband will sort it out well in advance. So her core values are there. However, if one is respectful of deadlines at school/work but always misses appointments/promises with family/friends, it would suggest to me that their underlying value is not one of respect but rather, self-centred. They want strangers to have high opinion of them but don't really care what their loved ones have to tolerate. This isn't right - priorities are wrong.

Sometimes we put on the masks to fit in with others. Our Work-Mask may be based on amplifying the qualities that others in the same company have. Our Home-Mask may be dependent on how we want our neighbours to view us.

You remember the watches that have different faces that you can put on to match whatever you're wearing? Or the mobile phone faces that can be changed? I think our personalities are the same. We just subconsciously change it sometimes to suit our 'audience'.

A trip to the Safari

No, it wasn't one in Kenya or South Africa. One closer to home - the West Midlands Safari Park, with Bri, Zhu Shi and Zhu Xin.Giraffe visiting the cars.

Snacking time.

Some of the animals wandering the grounds of the Safari Park.

Bri and Zhu Shi

Me and Zhu Xin

Rock or pebble

Should one stand as firm as a rock or should one allow oneself to be swept away by others? There is a fine balance between holding on to a strong opinion, yet being flexible enough to know when to allow others to influence oneself.

Why is it that in some circumstances, holding steadfastly to one's principles and opinions is seen as being 'difficult' whereas in other scenarios, the behaviour is respected? On the other hand, one who sways in opinions is seen as unreliable and having no opinions althugh there are times when that person is seen as being reasonable.

Why can't people just respect others' opinions without trying to impose theirs on others all the time? It may be difficult to be a rock and hold onto your beliefs and opinions (assuming they don't hurt others!) but it could provide an easier time later on. Others would know that they would need strong justifications to get your opinion changed. But it is difficult. Would you be seen as a rock in terms of an obstacle rather than dependable? Your reasonings are always challenged, you are mentally exhausted from having to explain yourself all the time - at work and at home. These range from explaining why initial efforts were abysmal thus requiring rework, to choices in shoes/clothes/flat/hotel. Why do people need to challenge for the sake of challenging? See the big picture. Would it make a difference to the world whether or not the challenge is accepted or rejected? If it doesn't, don't bother challenging. Don't ask one to justify wearing a blue top vs a black top. Does it matter?

Or would they just see you as being stubborn? Perhaps it would be better to be a pebble so it's easier to be swept away by the waves in whichever direction the winds dictate. There is no need to make any decisions; they are made by others for you. Is that the best way for accountability and responsibility to fall from your shoulders? When there is a strong opinion though, would people take you seriously or would they just disregard it as another belief that can be changed by the right person?

To be a rock or a pebble? Can you be both? Can you be a rock and a pebble? Or must you choose one?

SW19

Strawberries n cream, Pimms... It must be Wimbledon! After a failed attempt last year to get into the grounds (we walked 15mins and still couldn't find the end of the queue), we decided to go in the second week this time. We trooped off to SW19 and hardly had to queue to get in or to get Court 1 tickets! (Queue for Centre Court tickets was even shorter!)


Even the queue cards were proper. Also given a guide on 'queueing etiquette'!

Gardens given a tennis look.

Ahhh - no Wimbledon experience is complete without strawberries and cream!






Left: Order of play

Right: Singles matches

"Henman's Hill" although Henman's already out!

Going into Court 1 for some entertainment! First up was M Bahrami and Gene Mayer vs Peter McNamara and Paul McNamee in the Gentlement's 45 & Over Doubles. Then on came 2001 Men's Wimbledon champion Goran Ivanisevic partnering Henri Leconte to play against Gary donnelly and 'Bobo' Zivojinovic in the Gentlemen's 35RR Doubles.






Antics on Court 1 were hilarious! I was in stitches most of the time. Bahrami, famous for his clowning around, frequently pulled faces at his opponents and threw mock tantrums. When they completed their match (which Bahrami and Mayer lost), we were getting ready to leave when the umpire announced the next match. With Ivanisevic, the 2001 Wimbledon champion and three times Wimbledon runner up, playing, there was no way we were going to miss this! A good decision too because it was a hoot!

Ivanisevic and Leconte came onto court with bandages covering their heads. When they took the bandages off, Bobo used the bandages to tie the poor umpire up. With the umpire stuck in the middle of the court, Leconte took to the umpire's chair and entertained the crowd with superstar-typical-announcement of "We love you". He then proceeded to get the umpire to toss the coin. Leconte called Heads, then without seeing the result of the toss, decides that it was Heads and he chose to serve. When the umpire was finally given his chair back, he duly declared instead that Bobo and Donnelly 'chose to receive'.

Throughout the game we were entertained with
... Leconte's random whistling. At one point, Ivanisevic joined him with Bobo 'conducting' the both of them
... Bobo having a 3 vs 1 match against his 'long'-suffering partner
... Ivanisevic swapping places with the ball girl whereby Bobo also hands his racquet to the linesman. The ball girl wins a point!
... Bobo pulling a chair onto the court, sits himself in it and plays the match from there. He actually won the point!
... Bobo and Ivanisevic going into the crowd when they heard giggling; Bobo proceeding to have a rally with Leconte from the stands
... Bobo swapping places with Leconte in order to partner Ivanisevic then stands there without attempting to hit the balls, therefore losing Ivanisevic's-Leconte's points!
... Ivanisevic showing some dazzling form that won him the Wimbledon title, with a 140mph serve and some well thought out shots
... Ivanisevic going to the sidelines to take pictures with the audience
... Leconte putting two tennis balls down his shirt and playing the set with Sharapova-like squeals
... Leconte having a 'spat' with Ivanisevic when he missed a ball, asking him "Are you with me or with them?". Leconte missed the next ball, after which Ivanisevic promptly returned the question very loudly
... Hearing an 'out' from the linesman, Bobo runs to his bag (all while the play is still going on) and gets a chewing gum out for the linesman (to stop him calling the balls out)
... When the umpire ruled against them, Bobo promptly runs to his bag again to get another chewing gum for the umpire
... Ivanisevic mimicking some of his famous on-court tantrums by throwing down his racquet several times
... Bobo unnecessarily disputing the umpire's calls and whilst the dispute was going on, Ivanisevic continues to serve. Without a partner, Ivanisevic and Leconte easily won the points against Donnelly. During court end changes, with Ivanisevic and Leconte seated, Bobo quickly runs to the other end to get ready to serve to an empty court in order to get the easy points.
... with a winning shot from Leconte, the umpire declares Advantage to Ivanisevic (Leconte's partner), which Leconte got jealous about and complained to the umpire that it was him who hit the winning shot so it should be Advantage Leconte.

Ivanisevic showed a different side to his serious and sometimes foul tempered mood during his competitive singles career. This was so much fun.

It was such a treat overall! Really really enjoyed myself!!!!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Magical... To have a nanny who can pull endless objects out of a small bag... A nanny who flies with a magical umbrella... Medicine that tastes like whatever you want to... Someone who makes cleaning fun... One who gives children a taste of their own medicine without necessarily hurting them... Practically perfect!... A place where you can buy words and conversation... (I can think of a few who should sell them to balance out the 'noise'! See one of my previous posts titled 'blahblahblahblahblah....') Anyway...

If you haven't figured already, I went to watch Mary Poppins yesterday. Although I had to learn how to play Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious on the piano when I was younger, it was only at the musical yesterday that I learnt how to say it without looking at the word! It was fun! Really enjoyed myself!

Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-ee...

Laptop-less

For the first time since Easter break, I didn't bring my laptop home with me for the weekend. Ah, it's so nice not to do work over the weekend. It took a bit of willpower on Friday for me to resist packing my laptop in its case and bringing it home. There's still work that needed to be done but I thought enough was enough for that week. It can wait till Monday. It's lovely to have the weekend to do what I want, which admittedly wasn't much but it was still great that it was time for myself! :)

Oh, in my two week absence from updating the blog because of hectic workloads, I still managed to take an evening off to watch the Lion King (the musical). Oh, it was brilliant. The vibrant colours! The costumes were so cleverly made to the animals come to 'life'. The giraffes, elephants, hyenas, Timon, Pumbaa...! Zazu was funny, as usual. Only (slight) disappointment was Mufasa's death which wasn't as touching as the film but it was still good good good!

Falling Leaves

Adeline Yen Mah writes beautifully about her childhood in China. Born as the youngest daughter in a family of five with her mum passing away not long after her birth, she has not had an easy childhood. In what would have sounded like a typical Cinderella set up, her dad re-married and the step mum was cunning and manipulative - even on her deathbed. She played the siblings against each other to her own advantage.

Adeline wrote of being left out most times. How she yearned for her father and stepmother's love and affection. How she wanted to be part of a united loving family. Time and time again, as a child, throughout school, going through to university and eventually in her own family, she tried to find out if her father and stepmother loved her. She tried to get them to accept her and be proud of her achievements. Time and time again, she was rejected.

Impressively, instead of being depressed by this, Adeline used all this in a positive way. She studied hard, she worked hard. All the time, all she wanted was for her parents to acknowledge her achievements. At the slight chance that they might, she dropped what she had to pursue that little chance that doing this or that would make them happy. It never turned out that way. However, she emerged triumphant. She is a success in her own right. Despite attempts by her own family to 'bring her down' (whom you would expect to be the most supportive), she came out of all this a real winner.

I respect her for what she has been through - the emotional and physical abuse, and turning that into something positive. Only a strong person can do that. Adeline Yen Mah did that.